I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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