theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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