I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
