I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
