we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
