i don't plan on having that self control this summer
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
