He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
