There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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