you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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