Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
