haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
