not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
