Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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