so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
