member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
