whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
