goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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