and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
