It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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