He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize