If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was CRYING into my vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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