where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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