That's intense
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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