i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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