You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize