She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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