My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
