Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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