Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize