What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
