If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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