in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
