and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
