When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
