i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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