Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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