Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
