Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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