I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
