I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize