i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
