How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You smell like stripper and shame
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
