I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
