i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
