im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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