nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
