Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
this is an emotional support booty call
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
