things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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