Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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