What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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