$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is Oprah even human
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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