when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
