I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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