I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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