I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
