Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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