Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
