Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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