I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Randomize
