She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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