i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
