so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize