fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
