She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize