"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
