do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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