my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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