I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
