I just cut my nipple shaving
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
