had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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