I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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